Couldn't Hold a Candle to You

 I sincerely appreciate the effort of buying a scented candle to counter (in your words) the 'sour milk' smell in the corridor. The candle smelled divine, but what wasn't smelling as forest fruity when I came through the door this afternoon was your picture frame 10cm above it, which was scorched and smoking lightly.

 Everyone loves a roaring fire in the winter months, don't they?

P.S. The sour milk smell is all your rotting food in the fridge.

The Basics of not Killing Me.

Hey Guuuurrrrlll!!! Whats up? Oh You know, just trying to not die in a fire, 

or come home to a pile of ashes that was once my life's possessions, what evz. 

There's nothing I like more than coming home to a nice warm kitchen, until I remember that we live in a complete dump with no heating, and this must mean that you've just wasted £7.00 on the electricity meter by leaving the hob on again. 

I really liked the extra touch this time of leaving flammable torn-up cardboard just next to it for kindling - impressive survival skills Ray Mears!

I now understand completely- you're an adrenalin junkie, and I can help you with that! You're just starting a little too small. Why don't you start base jumping, I know a really high building you could start from! Don't take this the wrong way, it's just a friendly reminder for the fifth time in two months to please try to not kill me.